Dictionary.com defines experience as both a noun and a verb. As a noun, it means, “the process or fact of personally observing, encountering, or undergoing something,” as well as, “knowledge or practical wisdom gained from what one has observed, encountered, or undergone”. As a verb, it means, “to have experience of; meet with; undergo; feel,” and, “to learn by experience.”
There are many things in life that we can only learn by experience. As a child, we learn to talk, walk and even use the bathroom by experience. Explaining to a child how to do all of these things really does no good until they are able to try it for themselves.
If you look at the medical profession, most things are learned by experience. A doctor can read about suturing and have common knowledge on how the process works, but until they try for themselves, they cannot say they have experience. In fact, until they have repeated the process several times, they do not have experience, they have merely experienced it, which of course, are two different things.
In doula work, nearly everything is learned by experience. You can read in a book about how to position a woman in labor, but until you put your hands on her, you don’t truly know—and so much more.
Below is a list of the little things that experience has taught me while working as a doula, and as a childbirth educator. These are things that I could never have learned from a book.
1. How to not get offended the first time a family member insults you- you may expect a family member to lash out on occasion, but handling it with grace and dignity is something else entirely.
2. How to work WITH the nurses, not against them, while still helping the mom to get what she wants. There is a fine line between being respectful and brownnosing, and knowing that line makes all the difference.
3. When to talk and when to shut up. Every mother reacts differently to noise during labor. Picking up on subtle clues to be quiet takes time. Some women are talkers, and some are not.
4. How to take criticism constructively. The first time someone tells you that you did something “wrong,” it will sting. You might think that will never happen, but trust me, it will.
5. When photographs are a good idea, and when they are not. Even if you have discussed this with the family beforehand, some memories are made to be forgotten.
6. How to make a class of dads interactive. There is nothing worse than a bunch of macho men who refuse to participate in a class, but there ARE ways to make them get involved, without forcing the hand.
7. When to eat and when to sleep. During the first few labors and births, you may think you need to be by moms side at all times, but you cannot do a good job if you do not take care of yourself.
8. How not to be anxious when on call. Again, especially during your first few clients, you will be anxious around the clock and you will jump every time your phone rings. Only time can get you over it.
9. How to make cheesy games actually fun for a class of 30-somethings. Much like forcing macho men to participate, sometimes you will get a class of moms-to-be who think that learning games are silly. We all learn differently and these games serve a purpose. There is a trick to making it “worth it.”
10. When to walk away. Sometimes, it is hard to admit that you are not needed at that second. Knowing when to step back and let mom and dad have a moment alone can make a good birth experience extraordinary.
These things you often think you know, but only the experience will make you understand exactly the part that each lesson has on your skills and abilities.
“Doulas earn their reputation one birth at a time.”
